Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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