I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
