Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
