I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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