just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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