hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
