turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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