How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
