haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize