Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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