I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
