There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
