I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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