alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize