Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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