I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
