I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
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I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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