come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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