he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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