3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
