His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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