I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
