someone get that fucking seahorse.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
