i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
