i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
