dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
