So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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