I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
