You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize