i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
