I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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