Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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