apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
