Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
