Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
