Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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