After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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