she looked like the before picture.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
