It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
