1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
