I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
