she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
