So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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