I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
