sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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