I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
