What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
