Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
