This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
