Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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