That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
