i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
