Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
