if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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