I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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