so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
