U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
