First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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