i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
